This essay is written from a social psychology view point. I hope it gives you food for thought about your own relationships and the expectations you approach them and life with.
Enjoy!
Attention women!
For those of you in committed long term relationships, I want you to stop for a
moment and consider the expectations that you have of your partner. What roles
do you expect him or her to fill? The financial provider, the romantic or
possibly the sidekick? We expect many things from our partners, and we should,
but we must know what it is that we are actually expecting and how that may
affect those that we project our expectations on. Let’s take a trip back in time for a moment,
roughly 60 years. The age of our grandparents or possibly our parents, what
were relationships like during that time?
At
the heart of all relationships is the issue of shared responsibilities. From a
very logical viewpoint, one of the greatest advantages of partnering for life
is the ability to divide the responsibilities of life and reproducing in half.
Whether consciously or not, responsibility lies at the heart of our
interactions with others especially those we share our lives with. This can be
one of the most fulfilling aspect of a relationship or the most miserable
aspect when responsibilities are not well defined. In the age of our
parents/grandparents relationships were more well-defined then they are
currently. Women were expected to care for the house and children while men
were expected to be prudent and disciplinarian providers. Roles were clear
and well-defined, possibly so well-defined it created too much rigidity.
Naturally, that rigidity finally broke giving way to the feminist movement.
Then came the age of civil rights, women burnt their bras, remained single,
never had children, and more frequently pursued independent careers. This was a
huge cultural evolution that has been ongoing since it began. Women are
constantly making strides towards pushing through the glass ceiling and
reaching equality in academics and the job field. All the feminists shout
Huzzah!
The
development of the ‘Modern Woman’ has been long sought after and brings much
happiness to women in many ways. However, I propose we take a look at the
effects this evolutionary change has on other aspects of society. How has this
change caused further change in the relational dynamics of the modern couple?
How does the ‘Modern Woman’ relate to the ‘Modern Man?’ Disclaimer! All
relationships are different and there are always exceptions to any rule.
Let
us begin this analysis with the modern man and the expectations that are thrust
upon him by both partners and society as a collective. We expect men to be
financially stable, intelligent, physically fit, in control, emotionally
sensitive, good fathers, constantly bettering themselves, and they must always
be available to us and our needs. Now, even Superman would have a hard time
accomplishing all of those with grace and still have time to attend to his own
needs. Now what about the modern woman? She is expected to be beautiful, but
god forbid if you tell her that, she is expected to be intelligent and have a
career, but only if she wants. There is a glaring chasm between the
expectations of women and those of men. Women have more freedom to choose their
path than men, they can choose to pursue careers, family, or nothing at all if
they want. The only expectation is that the do what it is they desire. Men are
still expected to provide the same services they were 60 years ago with the
addition of quite a few others. We want them to be ‘men’ but also be able to
perform the function of a girlfriend. Not only is this unhealthy but it is
simply not plausible. With such lofty expectations how can the modern man ever
expect to not be a failure in one aspect or another?
Humans have
survived as a race this long thanks to our ability to evolve and adapt. Earlier
in this paper we recognized the social evolution of the civil rights movements
and subsequent movements. One area however that humans detest evolving is that
of our relationships and the manner in which we fornicate. Over the many years
we have clung on to the awkwardness of talking about sex and our relationships
even with those whom we experience them with. We cannot expect to quickly
evolve something while completely ignoring it at the same time. Sex and
relationships, do not necessarily fall into the realm of survival. People do
not need to be happy or to even like sex in order for the species to continue.
Happiness is a luxury, and like all luxuries you must work to achieve it.
Ignoring problems because they are uncomfortable has never brought happiness.
So, instead of changing our relationships to better complement our
responsibilities we ignore them and hope that they will take care of themselves.
Men still expect women to be beautiful and devoted, women still expect
financial support and direction. In this type of scenario no one wins, if we
truly want to become the modern man and the modern woman we must evolve all
aspects of ourselves. This includes the aspects that may be uncomfortable.
Unless
we as a race can face the things that make us awkward with critical minds, and
direct our attention to the way in which we form relationships we will never
achieve the goals we set out for ourselves. Sex and our relationships make up
much of who we are, they define us. If we want to continue to evolve and
continue the movements set forth by our ancestors we must take control and not
be defined by them but define them for ourselves. Otherwise society should get
used to being confused, awkward and depressed.
