Social Commentary on Gender Roles and the Modern Relationship

This is a short essay on a topic I have considered frequently over the last year. It interests me greatly how expectations evolve and influence the world around us. Expectation is everything. This is especially important when traveling, your expectations will always greatly influence what you see.

This essay is written from a social psychology view point. I hope it gives you food for thought about your own relationships and the expectations you approach them and life with.
Enjoy!

Attention women! For those of you in committed long term relationships, I want you to stop for a moment and consider the expectations that you have of your partner. What roles do you expect him or her to fill? The financial provider, the romantic or possibly the sidekick? We expect many things from our partners, and we should, but we must know what it is that we are actually expecting and how that may affect those that we project our expectations on.  Let’s take a trip back in time for a moment, roughly 60 years. The age of our grandparents or possibly our parents, what were relationships like during that time?

                At the heart of all relationships is the issue of shared responsibilities. From a very logical viewpoint, one of the greatest advantages of partnering for life is the ability to divide the responsibilities of life and reproducing in half. Whether consciously or not, responsibility lies at the heart of our interactions with others especially those we share our lives with. This can be one of the most fulfilling aspect of a relationship or the most miserable aspect when responsibilities are not well defined. In the age of our parents/grandparents relationships were more well-defined then they are currently. Women were expected to care for the house and children while men were expected to be prudent and disciplinarian providers. Roles were clear and well-defined, possibly so well-defined it created too much rigidity. Naturally, that rigidity finally broke giving way to the feminist movement. Then came the age of civil rights, women burnt their bras, remained single, never had children, and more frequently pursued independent careers. This was a huge cultural evolution that has been ongoing since it began. Women are constantly making strides towards pushing through the glass ceiling and reaching equality in academics and the job field. All the feminists shout Huzzah!

                The development of the ‘Modern Woman’ has been long sought after and brings much happiness to women in many ways. However, I propose we take a look at the effects this evolutionary change has on other aspects of society. How has this change caused further change in the relational dynamics of the modern couple? How does the ‘Modern Woman’ relate to the ‘Modern Man?’ Disclaimer! All relationships are different and there are always exceptions to any rule.

                Let us begin this analysis with the modern man and the expectations that are thrust upon him by both partners and society as a collective. We expect men to be financially stable, intelligent, physically fit, in control, emotionally sensitive, good fathers, constantly bettering themselves, and they must always be available to us and our needs. Now, even Superman would have a hard time accomplishing all of those with grace and still have time to attend to his own needs. Now what about the modern woman? She is expected to be beautiful, but god forbid if you tell her that, she is expected to be intelligent and have a career, but only if she wants. There is a glaring chasm between the expectations of women and those of men. Women have more freedom to choose their path than men, they can choose to pursue careers, family, or nothing at all if they want. The only expectation is that the do what it is they desire. Men are still expected to provide the same services they were 60 years ago with the addition of quite a few others. We want them to be ‘men’ but also be able to perform the function of a girlfriend. Not only is this unhealthy but it is simply not plausible. With such lofty expectations how can the modern man ever expect to not be a failure in one aspect or another?

Humans have survived as a race this long thanks to our ability to evolve and adapt. Earlier in this paper we recognized the social evolution of the civil rights movements and subsequent movements. One area however that humans detest evolving is that of our relationships and the manner in which we fornicate. Over the many years we have clung on to the awkwardness of talking about sex and our relationships even with those whom we experience them with. We cannot expect to quickly evolve something while completely ignoring it at the same time. Sex and relationships, do not necessarily fall into the realm of survival. People do not need to be happy or to even like sex in order for the species to continue. Happiness is a luxury, and like all luxuries you must work to achieve it. Ignoring problems because they are uncomfortable has never brought happiness. So, instead of changing our relationships to better complement our responsibilities we ignore them and hope that they will take care of themselves. Men still expect women to be beautiful and devoted, women still expect financial support and direction. In this type of scenario no one wins, if we truly want to become the modern man and the modern woman we must evolve all aspects of ourselves. This includes the aspects that may be uncomfortable.

                Unless we as a race can face the things that make us awkward with critical minds, and direct our attention to the way in which we form relationships we will never achieve the goals we set out for ourselves. Sex and our relationships make up much of who we are, they define us. If we want to continue to evolve and continue the movements set forth by our ancestors we must take control and not be defined by them but define them for ourselves. Otherwise society should get used to being confused, awkward and depressed.